When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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