I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
