Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
