Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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