I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
