I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
