RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
