my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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