Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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