Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
