It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm at about main and main street
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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