Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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