i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
