Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
