What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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