I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
