Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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