i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
did you just send me my own nude
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
