Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
