some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
