Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
