$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
