So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
