her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
