i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
