Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
