i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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