Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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