He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
birth control should be required to get into college
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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