Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
