I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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