So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
