You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The air taste purple.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
