I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
