Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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