But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
