Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Say something about gay babies.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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