ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
