its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
