he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
