wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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