Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
