I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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