I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
