We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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