Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
