So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
