I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
