You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
