She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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