he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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