I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
